this is work in progress or homilies or miscellaneous items that don't warrant a page by themselves or seem to fit better here



u can check the scroll slider on the right for the position on the page



chronological order is from the bottom to the top of the page



links are in the  times new roman  font  

















don't


you


hate


your


job
?


my


new


line

for


cold


calls !
















i


think


women

die


blind


to


the


fact


they


are


defeated
















i


must


be


over


the


hill


i'm


starting


to


tell


people


how

things


are


; o )
















you


get


to


the


end


of


the


road


and


there's


nobody


there

this


is


almost


the


hardest


thing


to

understand


most bail or deny


and


are


long


gone


those


that


would


be


with


you have


to


be


forcibly


ejected

as


they leech

drag


and


beat


so


there's


just


no-one


there


there's


just


you


and



love
















there


is


nothing


to


happen


no


people


to


look


for


acceptance


from


serenity ?
















there


is

no


arrival


point


no


point


at

which


you


can


say


you


are


even


half


way


there



except


death


: o )
















as


you


get


older


you


realize


you


are


defeated


and


going


to


  die !
















you


can


be


on


the


computer


but


not


necessarily


on


the


web


the


computer


per


se


is


not


addictive


but


the


web is


because


of


the


unending


stream


of


constant


stimulation !
















when


people


reject


you


the


benefit


can


be


quite


    extraordinary !
















internet


addiction


one


has

to


deliberately


build


other


activites


in


away


from


the


web !
















you


can


never


get


a


religion


out


of


your


hair



if



you



are



brought



up


in


it



the



best



you


can


do


is



moderate



the



damage !
















the


more


you


try

to


help


people

the


more


they


try


to


crucify


you !
















the


human


condition


is


schizophrenic



it's


because


with


our


short

life


span


we


need


evolutionarily


designed


inbuilt


theories


of


mind


which


always


mismatch


with whatever


present


enviroment !
















he


was



a robot


for


convention


how


did


you


become


such


a

clone


for


the


establishment ?
















imo


the


devotee's


con


the

gurus


as


much


as


the


guru's


con


the


devotees


it's


all


insane
















we


try


to


make


meaning


in


our


lives


by


what


happens


but



what


happens


is


not


always


sensible !
















body


biochemistry


is


a lot


more


unknown


than


the


researchers


make


out



they


don't


even


understand


anything


about


the


vitamin D


molecule


it


has


more


shapes


than


a


tasmanian


farm


has


blades


of


grass !
















you know i'm just working endlessly and sometimes for all the thought anyone shows me i wonder why
















we


all


have


the


same


problem

a

murderous


encroachment


of


old


age
!
















i


don't


think


you


are


that


real


personally
















you


are


all


belly


up


goldfish


syndrome !
















some


poems


the


more


you


know


the


back


ground


the



more


they


speak


to


you
















i


think


most


people


hate


the


notion


there's


more


to


life


than


meets


the


  eye !
















how every much we may pretend, there's little to compare to the aging process for harshness
















sort of a position statement on medicine



doctors can see up to 20 or 30 people a day, you would have to be blind to think they have your best interests at heart or are even capable of taking an informed view of them


the proof of the pudding is in the eating and my health is very good and i don't have that from going to doctors or naturopaths but sorting out issues myself


there's nothing more pathetic than people who take a passive, "doctor knows best" approach !


there is a modern waste land of the medically dependent and injured, maybe you are there, but i am not !


i let people make their own judgements but am the developer of the bioflm carbohydrate diet and  compendium  supplement program all of which is extremely well researched


it's volunteer, there's no agenda except i did get and am involved helping parents of children with autistic spectrum developmental disorders on the web


this area is not medical but premedical with the aim of avoiding ending up in the modern living crucifixion of medication, surgery and chemotherapy!


i have learnt not to take any grief, there's such a wasteland of middle aged women (men to a lesser extent) with wrecked health now who have very little interest in improving their situation


having said all this i should make clear that in my experience and observation the natural health scene is also a disaster area.
















life


and


death


death


and


life


life


and


death


death


and


life
















the


wearyness


of


living


the


wearyness


of


living


the


wearyness


of


living
















i


could


be


a


leading


string


theorist


but


i'm


not


; o )


my brain


gets


tangled


enough


as


it


is !
















i


think


it's


fundamental


that


you


don't


go


to


people


but


let


them


come


to


you


if


you


go

to


them


too


much


they


just


use


you !
















you have to look forward


if


you


look


back


you


become


paralysed !
















look  into 100 million years
















it


must


be


summer


a


fly

hatching


: o (
















if one wishes to have good health in older age you have to make your own judgements



it's


so


simple


doctors are idiots
















creationism


is


a


justification


for


outright


schizophrenia


in


life !
















jeff


foster


he's


read


 heidegger


which


means


he's


   insane !
















what's


wrong


with


time ?


it's

the


absence


of


familarity


with


the


timeless


that


leads


people

to


worry


about


time



the


timeless


is


different


from


time
















eckhart

tolle


how


can


such a


nutter


be


so


popular ?



the


nonduality


bandwagon


must


refer


to


the


absence


of


two


lobes


in


the


brain !
















women


are


always


entertaining


themselves


with


the


manipulation


of


men
















it's


a


different


world


isn't


it


rugby


racing


and


beer


disappeared


pretty


quick !
















sex


with


ex's


always


a


problem !
















the


roar


of


the


ovaries


   frightening !
















11


megabytes


once


you


could


have


written


a


program


that


controlled


the


world


now


it's

a


video


file


:


O


(
















the


weird


world


of


my


going


to


sleep


and


then


waking


up



stunned


mullet


syndrome



:


O


 )
















william


blake


was


a


 breeder
















if


any


painting


was

a


phony


this


is
















unemployment and free time is a gift if you use it properly !
















vladimir


nabakov


was


a


bit


   anal !
















dr.


zhivago


boris


pasternaks


largeness


of


mind


comes


through


he


was


personally


very


generous


and


sometimes


put


himself


at


risk


because


of


that !
















what


you


are


saying


is


not


interesting


to


me !
















i


don't


know


how


the


american


legal


system


works


but

from


what


i've


seen


it's


not


a


playground


for


geniuses


except


for


OJ


simpson


of


course !


: o )
















american


culture


appears


to


be


very


“ if


it's


laid


out


for


me

on a

a plate


i'll


eat


it


if


it's


not


i


won't ”


as


far


as


i

can


see


they'd


rather


eat


swill


on

a


plate

than

a


delicacy


which


is


not !
















younger


days


more


fulfillingly


autistic
















you


can


see


infinity


when


you


are


writing


because


when


you


write


or


form


a


letter


you


are


excluding


any

other


letter


or


even


any


configuration


in


the


space


the


trick


is


to


making


the


letter


so


it

also


represents


the


full


potential


of


that


space !
















proportional world population map


china and india are scary !


gee china is scary !


  the ruling regime in china with their one child policy are doing everyone a big favour
















i


still


can't


believe


net


publishing


you can


potentially


reach


an


audience


of


billions


within

a


minute


from


writing


but


of


course


it's


a

needle


in


a


haystack


and


your


content


is


smothered


by


all


the


straw !
















an


axis


is


like


a


pole


you


can


use


it


in


different


ways


a

stupid


continuity


or


flipping


between


the


ends


to


really


cut


some


ice !
















the


ken


wilber


andrew


cohen


axis


a


pole


for


twits !
















you


are


after


little


shifts


in


understanding


that


make


your


life


comprehensible
















the


fact


is


having

a


set


of


attitudes


doesn't


work


real


understanding


comes


from


real


consistent


work


yet


how


many


are


prepared


to

do


  that ?


they


just


want


to


play


in


an


ADHD


way


and


have


you


do


the


work


for


them


so


they


are


    entertained  !
















in


zen

there


is


a


phrase


seeing


the


whip


before


it


hits


if


only


we


could


do


that !
















if


you


can't


address

that

you

don't


understand


yet


there


is


something


to


understand


you


are


not


at


first


base




this


is


the


situation


and


behavior


of


most


people !
















americans


hate


intelligence


and


love


stupidity



they


pay


to


see


it



in


their



entertainment


media


music


and


politics
















language


has


something


very


special


about


it



it's


the


ability


to


plug


in


theories


of


mind


that


you


had


no


previous


concept


of !



portable


differently


wired


brains


if


you


will !
















no wonder the aborigines


have


a


different


sense


of


time


two


or


three


thousand


years


in


one


village


 !
















if


you


are


not


interested


you


are


not


interested


and


you


will


pretend


which


is


what


most


do !
















life


is


death


and


death


is


life


 who's


the


woman


 who's


my


   wife ?
















how do sheep work ?


i


don't


understand


humans do !
















the


main


thing


i


have


against


gays


is


lesbian


intolerance


of


heterosexual


males !
















it's


not


an


academic


thing


it's


something


real


that

w

e

a

r

e


unreal


endless


  explanations
















if


one


thing


explained


life


more


than


anything


else


i'd


say


it


was


slackness


and


perhaps


energy


in


the


wrong


areas
















stupidity


rules


because


it


rules !
















you


just


want


stuff


that


tastes


 emotionally


nice


to


  you !
















cows understand grass with their whole beings, how much good does that do them? brains and language is what makes humans different


understanding is not easy, but being blinkered is
















you


don't


read


poetry


or


philosophy


and


listen


to


eckhart


tolle


who


is


a


twit !
















you


don't


seek


to


understand


you


only want


to


entrain


the


world


in


your


way


of


   thinking !
















 have you experienced a clinical death ?


it's


a


    crazy question to ask and shows you misunderstand everything from the ground up !
















the


nutcracker


is


interesting


it's


a fusion of three extreme talents


tchaikovsky


petipa


and


e. t. a. hoffmann



and



of



course



the



russian



imperial



treasury
















there's


about


10,000


miles


of


 meaning


you


have


to


  cross !
















  lol,  life is clinical death or haven't you noticed ? its very hard to convey to people the fluidity of meaning but there it is ! abandon literalism and the infinite starts to infuse !
















if


you


do


a little


research


on

a

subject


you


will


see


it


radiates


in


all


   directions !
















the

final


reality

is


there


is


no


final


reality !
















i


don't


want


to


be


involved


in


the


explaining


game !
















i


don't


trust


journalists


as


a

journalist


you


will


know


why !
















life


is


a


literal


   psychosis !
















life


is


a


literal


psychosis !
















there's


something


sociopathic


about


american


culture


they

are

definitely


the


most

weird


aggressive


and

stupid


people


i


have

ever


come


across !
















new


zealanders


are


a


race


unto


themselves !
















zen


indoctrination


it's


like


trying


to


pull


yourself


out


of


treacle
















andrew


cohen


intellectual


light


weight


well


bantam


weight


featherweight


how


do


i


put


it ?



fly


weight


sparrow


  weight ?
















now


where


do


you


fit


in


that


 pic ?


unfortunately


i


think


i


am


the


blackened


man


on


the


  cross !
















john


loori


“ the   


afterlife


turned


out


to


be


catholic


so


i


switched


  back ! ”




it's


sorta


a


vision


he


turned


up


in


his


buddhist


clothes


but


when


i


thought


about


the


catholic


side


he


suddenly


appeared


dressed


as


a

catholic


  priest !
















gurus


and


disciples


are

a


natural


meeting


of


predator


and


prey


and


i


am


not


sure


who


is


who


: o )
















gurus


and


religious


teachers


are


idiots


they


have


other


agendas


sexual


or


financial


or


both


or stupidity


yes


stupidity


can


be


an


agenda !
















infinity


works


in


a


very


simple


way


our


accretion


is


it's


diminishment


and


vice


versa



the


problem


is


to

break


the

rules


without


breaking


the

rules


or


we


don't


survive !
















what


is


the


problem


with


people


in


the


“ spiritual  


  circuit ”


because


none


of


them


have

a


  clue !


what


i

realized is that the vast bulk of useful information on this subject in western culture is in literature


and


these


people


ignore


and


blind themselves


to


it


so


what


do


you


  expect ?



they think the answers are within a generation



and

minimal


thinking


and


knowledge



well


that's


not


the


  case !
















“ you


would


strike


most


people


as


mad ”



“ most


people


strike


me


as


mad ”
















women


are


great


 mimickers
















if


you


go


to


people


you


will


always


get


an


audience



but


if


you


stand


on


principle


and


insist


on


them


doing


a


bit


of


work


and


being


able


to

handle


dissent


you


will


find


they


all


disappear
















on


the


net


you


are


your


own


publisher !
















real


is


not


the


ultimate


reality


any


story


in


that


sense


is


just

as


valid !
















it's


unbelievable


how


moronic


the


human


species


can


be !
















christmas


dismissmis


hitmiss
















religion


has


always


been


a


means


of


controlling


the


masses




temple of  dangeil  ( 3:29 )
















i


am


the


reincarnation


of


i


dunno


who


would


i


be


the


reincarnation


of ?



me
















the


way


the


world


is


not


only


is


there


no


remedy


but


it


can't


occur


any


other


way !
















the


reason


why


mediocre


is


mediocre


is


if


they


could


recognise


quality


they


would


produce


it!
















when


you


are


tempted



to



tell



the



supermarket



checkout



girl



her



eyelashes



are



too



long



you



are



interfering



too



much



though



they



were



way



overdone !
















america's


endless


self


promoting


spam


with



an



undercurrent



of



brutality !
















when

a



woman


looks


at


you


she


doesn't


see


you



she


see's


a


fusion


of


herself


with


you



some



combinations



jangle
















that


communion


with


infinity


there's


absolutely


no


point


without


it !




what


it


is


i


don't


know ......
















the gurus


are


conned


as


much


as


the


disciples



what


is


the


attention


of


nuts


  worth ?
















if


i


am


not


real


where


does


that


lead ?
















this


is


not


real


therefore


i


am


not


real !
















the


boy


was


caught


in


a


story


that


he


could


not


get


out


of


yet


was


already


out


of !
















there


was


a


boy


in


a


story


who


figured


out


he


was


a

boy


in

a


   story !
















how


will


i


  die ?


a


monstrous


migraine


that


just


gets


    worse ! ?


  yikes !
















andrew


cohen


he


runs


a


male


wins


all


system !
















there's


no


peace

as


you


get


older


increasing


cynicism


disillusionment


ennui


and


pain


but


not


peace


shove


that


up


your

arse


eckhart


  tolle !
















the


bloody


rabble

the


hoi


polloi


again


hi


hoi


polloi !
















one


of


the


great


secrets


of


problematic


joints


is


not


to


use


them


too


much !
















when


you


literally


die


there


is


no


memory !


see


the


bloody


greeks


understood


an


intelligent


race


as


is


seen


by

the


way


they

are


screwing


the


EU !
















andrew


cohen


is


a


thieving


  fuckwit !
















like


trying


to


explain


colour


to


the


colour


  blind !
















one


thinks


there


must


be


some-one


who


understands


but


of


course


there


is


no-one


who


  does !
















you


can


talk


across


generations



you


cannot


talk


within


a


generation


and


get


sense !
















it's


semi


fictional


it's


rather


like


a


large


asynchronous


novel !
















i


was


born


dead


so


i


don't


have


to


work


particularly


hard


at


it !
















well i have died and i can tell you what death is


it's a mystical state of communion with infinity


thank god no-one is posting here or i would get the rabble pissing all over what i say


i have looked through the gurus and all that sort of nonsense and they don't seem to have a clue
















the


odd


thing


about


death


is


the


way


life


is


taken


from


us


and



the


odd


thing


about


life


is


the


way

death


is


taken


from


us !
















i


think


i


even


have


an

ennui


with


sadness


now !
















it's funny


how the


energy


has


gone


out


of


everything


everything


i


look


at


is


dull
















i don't think people are afraid of dying per se, it's the process of getting there that's the bastard
















if you


speak


the


truth


everybody


will


follow


you


if


you


speak


the


truth


nobody will


follow


you


unless


it's


to


lynch you


:


o


)
















a


way


of


looking


at


it


is


there


is


one


big


super


brain


encompassing


all


other


brains


what


is


it ?
















eastern

religions


some


phony


state


of


awareness !


seeking


easy


street


by


being !


intellectual


slack


arses !



or incapacity !
















young


love


is


a


 monster
















da


free


john



he's


got


the


process



there's


just


something



missing



upstairs !



that


is


unfortunately



what



drug



use



does !
















the whole guru  paradigm


is


fucked


in


the


head


it's


an


   artiface !


it's


just


a


bit


of


indian


nuttiness


and


a


preprinting


culture
















the


material


world


is


not


all


there


is !



what


about


imagination ?



where


does


the


hunting


of


the


snark


fit


into


science ?
















all


these


indian


gurus


are


just


a


pile


of


toxic


  shit
!
















unfortunately doctors are like the enemy half the time !
















actually


to


be


honest



i


don't


think


most


artists


have


much


upstairs


unlike


poets


who


perhaps


have


too


much !
















doctors


are


tradesmen


and


priests


in


the


end


you


have


to


make


your


own


   judgement !
















all


the


spiritual


places


without


me


they


are


   dead
  !
















darshan is just a device to imprint people


on


the


guru
















she's


a great


user


of


people


bitch
















franklin


jones


the


emperor


has


no


   clothes
!
















i


actually


think


that


half


the


art


of


charisma


is


appearing


to


be


more


than


you


are



there


are


some


with


anti


charisma


who


appear


less


than


they


are


which


is


a


better


way


to


be !
















approval


disapproval


it's


all


irrelevant


or


relevant


or


irrelevant ...........
















 joan,  (tollifson)  not a bad interview and you have a good resonance with the interviewer, but really you are much better to forget the “now” clichés, your brain has a semantic tangle in certain areas
















well i can say what death is, it's just a word !


i thought i saw what  this  was on about once but i honestly don't relate at all to it now, toni was too adverse to feedback, or soliciting what discomforted her


springwater has become a cult, i don't think it's tony's fault but the staff have closed the place up persuing some illusions of their own !


americans are so undiscriminating, swallow any bilge


come on step up and reply, but they never do !

















be kindly


and


the


world


will


be


kindlier
















you


and


god


is


a


private


matter !
















the


talks


of


da


free


john


are


very


good

but they


are


sophistical


he


is


a

sophist


with


the


odd


flash


of


light


to


give


it


all


a


semblance


of


reality
















you


can


be


unconcious


about


infinity


most


people


are


including


the


gurus
















the photos i saw of tahiti looked very humid, nothing heals in those climates and the mossies can have nasty bugs!


interestingly malaria was a problem in canada in the 1800s


the best way to get maximal solar uvb is have two houses, one in each hemisphere at 18° - 26° degrees latitude and travel seasonally


it


really


is


a


millionaries


life


style


and


in


fact


some


of


the


very


rich


do


live


like


this


and


no


doubt


live


longer


and


in

better


health


for


it !
















heaps of flaky stuff around, no end of appetite for it tho i think the belief in medicine and science is starting to take over from religion
















da


free


john


the


alcohol


drugs


(legal


and


illegal)


sex


and


command


of


others


curtailed


him


considerably



i


just


can't


believe


the


level


of


concealment


his


followers


put


over


him


especially


you


roger


and


sue


who


should


have


known


better !



viagra  was a major factor in his death !



well he got lucky


i


suppose !
















you


have


to


be


really


broken


to


see


infinity



smashed



pulverised



shall


i


say ?
















no


matter


how

many


ways


you


try


to


add


up


the


world



it



doesn't



add



up



having


said


that


it


just


added


up !
















idea


for


a


painting


angels


picking


lice


out


of


each


others


wings


: o )


i


bet

a


few


of


those


renaissance


painters


were


tempted !
















wikipedia


can


be


very


 sanitized
















i


think


the


guru


is


a


shot


 paradigm
















neem


karoli


baba


afloat


on


biofilm
















sometimes


when


i


go


to


sleep


i


wake


up

in


a


different


universe !
















james


randi


clever


in


some


ways


and


limited


in


others !
















things can be black and white that we are taught are shades of grey


it's black and white somethings are wrong yet the world looks at it as shades of grey


similarly what is shades of grey the world looks at as black and white

well like the compendium, most would say its wrong


it's black and white it's right but most would say shades of grey wrong
















talk


shows


decide


they


don't


need


guests


hosts


chat


amongst


themselves


ratings


plummet !
















karen


had


some


brains


cindy


is


silly
















a


true


leader


is


led


he


just


drops


the


more

 problematic


options


and


pushes


the


    occasional necessarily unwelcome new one !
















the problem the europeans had with africa is germ warfare (measles mumps, chickenpox etc) didn't work and in fact it was the other way around
















i

always


hold


the


future


is


much


more


open


than


we


think


but

you


have


to


go


outside


the


bounds !
















hypocrisy


is


often


it's


own


punishment


i


won't


say


always


; o )
















the


general


attitude


to


poetry


and


homilies


“ my


god


what


is


it ? ”
















the


truth


is


very


 disturbing



too



    disturbing !
















the


problem


with


atheists


is


they


don't


say


what


god


is



and


the


problem


with


religion

is


they


do


say


what


god


  is !



all


quite


wrong


  btw !
















what


i


notice


about


Christians


is


they


never


read


the


bible



you


can't


read


the


bible


and


remain


a


christian !



they


don't


read


the


bible


and


so


retain


a


comfy


idea


about


the


bible


being


“ god's


word ”


whatever


that


means.
















 brilliant !


imo you can replace lenin with politics and religion with jesus and that about says it all


the  sculptor  is an ex russian living in new york
















humans


are


predator

and


prey


to


each


other
















what


is


the


difference

between

a

woman


and


a flower ?


the


basic


strategies


don't

differ



attract



a



pollinator !
















werner herzog being  shot  and grizzlyman


ever since i went thru the la international airport about 20 years ago and passed by a gangster twirling a huge knife in his hands i knew it for a dangerous place


i presume werner was deliberately shot


jesus christ! why would he be singled out like that? telling people what they don't want to hear i am afraid ?


his manner is very typical of certain german subcultures, toni packer is like that too !
















is


the


problem


with


entertainment


that


we


experience


it


as


true


when


it


is


distinctly


dissemblative ?
















is


truth


the


ultimate ?


maybe truth


is


not


the


ultimate


maybe


there


is


no


ultimate


maybe


there


is


ultimate


maybe


unmaybe .............
















power


lines


glinting


in


the


evening


sun



not



spider



  webs !
















i


make


so


many


mistakes


why


do


i


have


an


   opinion ?
















people


with


charisma


have


something


missing


upstairs
















robinson


crusoe


“ i


could


paint


a


picture


of


friday


but


there


is


no-one


to


buy ”
















virginia  woolf  her voice matches what she looks like surprisingly !
















just about everyone


knows


better


than


the


   experts !
















why


is


everything


such


a


nightmare


of


difficulty !
















it


all


depends


on


what


it


depends


on !
















am


i


old


or


young ?


old


i


fear !
















there


is


nothing


more


frightening


than


a


hard disk


dying


or


being

stolen


or


virally


infected


or


burnt !
















women


are


breeding


   machines !
















it's


almost


impossible


to


think


straight


about


life


with


   children !
















we


have


no


bearings !
















the


great


man


who


reaches


further


and


accomplishes


more


also


overreaches


himself
















alexander the great


would have been better


to


untangle


rather


than


cut


the


gordian


knot !
















anyone using the term  aspie  doesn't understand autism from the inside
















on


the


existance


of


hell



i


can't


say


i


find


life


unhellish


as


it


it


  is !
















comments on some poetry lines by ilia kramarik


“ behind the closed eyes of the future, it's better to seek than see ”


actually it's better to see.


seek is something that takes care of itself by occurring rather than talking about it which is what most people do !


there's something very special about vision !


“ my life is a papercut of eternity ”


i really liked this line


a google search shows  no results found  for “my life is a papercut of eternity” which indicates it's a completely original phrase !


the individual brain is the only certainty before this or any other universe !




can


i


suggest


an


alternative


for


that


line ?



“ my


life


is


a


paper


cutout


of


eternity ! ”
















if


there's


no


trouble


women


make


it !
















life itself is abnormal and very very strange! oddly this leaves neurotypicals as the true abnormals and those on spectrum with a truer perspective on life ! that's what i mean by the wealth of being on spectrum !


neurotypicals act like hounds hunting spectrum foxes


you don't seem to see that but time will show you i am afraid


better to go through life disguised and pay attention to your health which medicine doesn't do btw
















what


good


is


an


explanation


to


those


that


don't


want


to


   listen ?
















if


things


don't


roll


our


way


do


we


have


to


be


so


consistently


unpleasant ?



i


am


tired


of


being


the


rag


the


dog


chews


upon !
















i


am


tired


of


dealing


with


wrong


minded


women
















there


is


nothing


more


pathetic


than


the

abnormal


being


“ normal ”


   wannabees !
















you tube


though


it


seems


real


is


more


of


the


world


of


imagination


and


constructs


and


therefore


should


not


be


taken


at


face


value
















today's


youth


have


a

schema


of


incompetence !



and


certain


of


their


rightness


with


it !
















contradiction


is


a


litmus


test
















all


these


years

i


thought


i


was


doing


something


i


was


doing


nothing
















it's


an


old


story


belly


up


goldfish


saying


run


a


knife


through


it
















religion


is


inherently


dishonest !


how



could



it



be


otherwise


believing


what


they


do !
















i


feel


science


is


intrinsically


limited


in


it's


ability


to


explain


everything !
















you


can


have


 philosophy


about


science


but


i


don't


think


you


can


have


science


about


 philosophy
















i


am


not


interested


enough


to


spend


the


brain


sugars !
















  showed you up for the spammer you are huh !


the


world


just


seems


to


be


full


of


talentless


blowhards
















first


of


all


you


have


to


write


for


yourself



and



secondly


for


every


one


else !
















if


you


stop


looking


at


the


very


commercially


successful


writers


you get


a truer


picture


which is


writers


subsidising


everybody


else !




that


is


the


vast


majority


which


is


more


indicative
















“ why


is


there


nothing


rather


than


something ? ”



who


is


asking ?
















“ why


is

there


something


rather


than


nothing ? ”



if


you


were


nothing


you


couldn't


ask !
















there's


really


no


boundary


between


imagination


and


what


we


call


reality


hence


historically


we


have

asinities


like


the


pyramids


stonehenge


phidias's


statues


of


zeus


and


athena


and


so


on !
















after


a


while


you


stop


chasing


meaning


writing


poetry


and


just


let


it


flow


out


of


what


arises
















the


females


life


is


a


constant


fight


for


the


control


of


the


thought


of


the


male
















love


is


a


sweet


pink


rose


loading


it's


fragrance


on


the


evening


air


half


lit


in


hell


a


monster


reaching


up


from


the


deep



the


serene


smoothness


of


a


relaxed


sea


highlighting


the


colours


of


dawn !
















if


you


make


things


clear


to


people


they


only


use


it


to


injure


you !
















reality


is


a

model


aging


is


one


of


the


few


events


that


puts


us


in


touch


with


the


true


reality !



what


about


love ?



i


favour


aging


over


love


for


true


clarity !
















limited


people


never

reply


they


way


they


work


is


to


entrain


their


limitations !
















turning


a


street


corner


on


the


net


you


can


wind


up


in


a


different


city


and


country


age


even


it


can


really


be


quite


exotic


tho


usually


not !
















wherever i look now, just vacant brainless bullshit
















aging is a ravening maelstrom


devouring us


it


may


look


quiet


but


it


  ain't !
















you


have


to

go

half


way


into


the


world


of


 imagination


to


get


real


life


to


work


   properly !
















in my experience as the foothills of middle age loom higher and the tips of the mountains of old age are apparent in all their resplendent white coldness


................................



what


matters


is

not


social


convention


and


niceties


of


appearance


but


one's


health !
















i


think


there


is


a


maturity


that


comes


from


having


spilled

enough


of


your


life


into


an


entirely


futile


and


pointless


activity


child


rearing


would


be


this


for


most


even


tho


it


doesn't


seem


like


it


perhaps


writing


is


for


writers


there


is


in


the


future


a

universe

so


empty


nothing


in


it


exists !
















stalin


was


an artists


and


writers


worst


dream


come


true


a


 particularly


murderous


dictator


who


was


artistically


senstive


bulgakov


got


lucky


sort


of


but


most


of


the

rest


with


any


talent


  didn't !
















wikipedia


editors


are


unpaid


employees


of


google


and


  bing !
















the adhd thing makes sense for me, i usually act before i have enough  evidence  accumulated and the consequences are rough sorting it further out
















ipods


making


a


particularly


silly


generation


tho


sex


makes


every


generation


silly !
















childrens books are often much more imaginative than adult
















the


horror !


thomas


hardy


giving


and


his


wife


getting


syphilis


no


wonder


his


outlook


on


life


was


pessimistic !
















these


days


with


viruses



people


have


no


sense


of


having


an


infection


 spreading


 it


 every


 where !
















we


all


have


our

own


demons


to



fight



is



this



a


cliché ?


no
















abstinence


is


the


beginning


of


  wisdom !
















why


is


entertainment



so



toxic ?



some


form


of


concealment ?


or


being


mapped


into


an


emotionally


and


intellectually


useless


space ?



both



i'd



say !
















when


i


look


at


what


women


call


love


  ——  -  -  -  ·
















lol


i


am


working


and


writing


like


the


polar


express !
















i really prefer


strongly


chris


van


allsburg's


books


to


the


films


there's


some


magic


space


or


fusion


of


illustration


and


story


that


he


manages !



a


gentle


understated


harmony
















 if you work at something


you


will


get


there


 eventually
















christmas


is


a


paradigm


of


quantum


potential